Words can be an exceptionally powerful tool and/or weapon. Our words can either bring life or death. I know people today that replay, over and over again, in their minds something that a person said to them decades ago, but it still festers in their heart and mind daily. It paralyzes them from living in the freedom that God has called them to. The words spoken to them have literally brought death to a certain aspect of their life. Sadly, spouses tend to get the brunt of harsh words, many times creating deep wounds that will never go away and many times even progressing to the death of a marriage. God intended that we would use our words to build people up and bless people. That we would say things to encourage and give life to those around us. When it comes to marriage, here are 6 kinds of words to say to your wife often…
Words of Affection
Tell your wife that you love her, multiple times a day. Tell her that she’s beautiful, daily. Comment on her style and her personality. Use words of affection to build her up often. Talk affectionate to you wife because she desires that.
Words of Consideration
Your wife wants to know often that you are thinking of her feelings, thoughts and opinions. Ask her what she’s thinking. Ask her what the best and worst part of her day was. Ask her where she would like to eat. Ask her what she would like to do on Saturday morning. Ask her if she feels like you are leading her well in the areas of marriage, family, finance, church life and ministry, friendships, spiritual disciplines, etc.
Words of Initiation
While your wife does enjoy knowing that you are being considerate of her, she also enjoys a healthy balance of you taking the initiative to make decisions. Tell your wife that you would like to cook dinner once a week. Tell her that you’ve planned a date for the two of you. Tell her that she’s going to love a new spot to take her. Tell her to plan a Saturday morning out while you care for the kids and clean the house.
Words of Spontaneity
Take your wife by surprise when you tell her that you would like to take her on a walk or bike ride instead of watching the weekly game. Every now and then get out of your normal habit to show her that she is more important than whatever you would normally be doing. Your wife is very familiar with at least one thing you plan to do each week – use that time every now and then to lay your plans aside and focus on her instead – or ask her to be a part of it with you.
Words of Repentance
Tell your wife you were wrong. Sometimes, even when you’re not. Tell her you’re sorry. Ask for her forgiveness. When you mess up or when she thinks you’ve messed up acknowledge it instead of getting defensive. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. Don’t allow your flesh to control you – that will only end in pride and despair. Be led by the Spirit, which will always end in humility and reconciliation.
Words of the Gospel
Most importantly of all, speak words of the Gospel to your wife. Remind her of the depth of the grace of God. Remind her that Jesus was perfect for her. Remind her that God loves her and is willing to lead her each moment of the day if she’ll trust Him. Remind her that God is good and in control. Therefore, she can rest in knowing that Dad has it all together even though she may not.
Most importantly, live a life that expresses and emulates the words that you say to your wife. You can use kind words until you’re blue in the face, but if your life doesn’t match what you say than it’s all just talk.